Many of us feel as though we could not live without our partners, but it’s not true. Part of the reason relationships fail is because one partner may have been too needy. Learning how to deal with neediness and building your own independence and confidence is the key here. The problem is those little voices in your head are rattling away up there telling you all sorts of rubbish. This is your sub conscious and our intuition. Sometimes these thoughts are spot on and are good thoughts, and sometimes these thoughts can be negative. This only serves to halt your progress. You may start to feel unlovable, not good enough, insecure or needy, which may cause you to act out of neediness. As hard as it is not to let your sub conscious self trigger your emotions, you must attempt to control our way of thinking.
Keep telling yourself over and over, that you are lovable, and you are plenty good enough. Do not fall into the trap of acting on your emotions. If you feel needy, then you need to turn it around and choose to be with that person, because you want to. Showing your ex lover your needy side is a turn off, they will run.
For some reason we live with a false sense of need. Were we taught this as children? Needing someone in our lives is a false emotion. Someone once said to me, that we all need to connect with others. Does that necessarily mean you need a lover? No; I don’t think so. When you are hurt, your feelings and emotions will also exaggerate what is happening. If your lover is leaving you, you will exaggerate the truth and believe that you truly need that person. The more you carry on with this way of thinking, the less chance you will have of them returning to you. You need to not need them. And they need to see that you do not need them.
I believe some people get a certain kind of ego boost from another’s neediness. It’s understandable; that feeling of someone needing us would be flattering to the ego. We all desire love, approval and acceptance, but we don’t need these things. Basically your attitude needs to be devil may care. If the relationship fails it’s okay. Then you move on with your life. Sounds so easy, but I know it isn’t.
Remember to keep neediness out of it. Tell your lover anything but don’t say I need you. You will frighten them into running further away from you. You love them, you desire them, you want to be a part of their lives, but you do not need them. If you are someone who has a needy side, realizing that being with your lover is a choice of love and not needing your lover would be the best thing for you at this point in time.
Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton
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Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney
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