There are so many of us who are completely unaware of how self-defeating it is to constantly feel guilt. The belief in society is; if we have done wrong, we should feel guilty and ashamed. We are never advised (unless we seek professional advice) to move past our guilt. Many of us also believe that staying in a place of guilt or making a decision based around guilt is a noble thing to do. These attitudes and beliefs surrounding the emotions of guilt are more self-destructive than any of us realize.
Guilt is a natural, normal emotion that passes through us when we believe we have done wrong or done someone harm. Guild will rear it ugly head when we are reminded of our past mistakes. When people feel guilty, they will quite often act in a way that is not true to their real self. This is not to say that people should not feel guilty if they have done the wrong thing or harmed someone. Guilt is a natural reaction. It is when we hold onto those guilty feelings that we will begin to self-destruct.
The only positive aspect of guilt is the lesson we learn. If guilt drives us to learn a lesson, then it has served it purpose. It is important to learn the lesson and move on in a loving way, with the intention of learning from the mistake. Many of us wallow in guilt and then self pity arrives. Wasting our energy in this way is counter-productive. Make amends, forgive ourselves and move on. Regret and remorse are not the same as guilt. Regret and remorse allows us to make amends, and allow our light to shine again.
Anyone who believes that remaining in a state of guilt ridden despair is a noble thing to do, or is just what they deserve. They are quite simply; fooling themselves. Someone who is deliberately attempting to trigger a person’s guilt is an emotional blackmailer and chances are that is person is carrying around a lot of emotional baggage that they have not dealt with. We should never allow anyone to prey on our weaknesses and trigger our guilty feelings. Unfortunately in life, it is not always easy to pinpoint those kinds of actions and these kinds of people. We are usually to busy shouldering the blame, or wallowing in our own feelings of guilt that we miss the signals altogether.
The answer to letting go of your guilt is to forgive, forgive yourself and your actions and the other party if necessary. It is only through forgiveness that we can truly move on to a more positive existence. Forgiving ourselves when we feel that we are to blame is easier said than done, it is very hard to not feel that twinge of regret when we think of our actions in the past. However, if we don’t at least forgive ourselves, the guilt will rip us apart forever. Forgiveness is not absolving our wrongs, and it is not condoning the bad behaviour that caused us to feel guilty in the first place. It also does not mean that you condone the other parties’ behaviour either. Forgiveness is about letting go of the guilt and feeling free to move on with life.
Forgetting is the harder part of the equation. It is often because people cannot forget their wrongs of the past that they are unable to forgive. This is where it becomes tricky. No-one would ever tell you to forget a mistake that caused another pain and caused you a tremendous amount of guilt, because it is remembering our mistakes that teach us what to be aware of the next time. Forgiving and forgetting are two different things; when you are in a state of guilt you cannot forget. In this situation, I will again stress that you ask for forgiveness, ask the persons or persons you have wronged to forgive you. If they say no, and they could take a very long time to agree to forgive you, you will need to work on forgiving yourself for now. Maybe down the track, if you are given an opportunity, you can ask the wronged party for forgiveness again. However, it is more important that you try very hard to forgive yourself. I realize this could take time, given how serious your transgression was, but it is vitally important to your own mental health to work at this as hard as you can.
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Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney
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