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There are quite a few things that men resent about women, this article by guest blogger; Janelle Coulton discusses ten things that women do that really upset men.
marriage or relationship has conflict. Your partner is not going to
like everything about you and there are some things that men
absolutely cannot deal with when it comes to their wife or partner.
At some point couples will run into these dilemmas and will have to
deal with them. It isn’t the fact that your man resents
something that you are saying or doing that ruins relationships, what
ruins a relationship is dealing with this type of conflict in a
negative way or not dealing with it all.
in a marriage builds because couples are not airing out the dirty
laundry and getting these issues resolved and then resentment can
build even more, until someone explodes. Couples need to discuss the
little, inconsequential things instead of sweeping them under the
rug. They may not seem important enough to bring up, but if you feel
your husband is getting frustrated with you over something, then it
needs to be discussed. Below are some of these most common things
about women that men say they resent. The following also contains a
little advice on how you can protect your marriage or relationship.
who don’t fight fair:
couples fight, whether you and your spouse are happy in your marriage
or not. Most happy couples know how to fight fair. Instead of
attacking their partner they will describe how they are feeling about
the situation. Research
shows that wives usually bring up problems in the marriage for
discussion. Husbands are most likely to back off if things get tense.
When this happens, women will start conversations in a negative way,
which makes everything worse. Instead of resorting to put downs and
attacks, try telling your husband what the problem is by using
several “I” messages. Attacking your husband will just put him on
the defensive, when you would do better to ask for what you need.
like he is a child.
really resent being spoken down to like they are children and they
certainly do not want to be micro-managed. This will leave him
feeling like less of a man and he will definitely start resenting his
wife eventually if this treatment goes on. You may not feel he can be
trusted with some things, however you need to let go and trust him to
take care of things. If he messes up then hopefully he will learn
from his mistake. Some wives will take on their man’s
responsibilities because they just don’t trust him to do it right.
Your husband will feel completely inadequate if he senses that you
don’t trust him to take care of certain things, so stop managing
him and trust him to do the right thing.
a third party
might think that it is totally harmless to vent your frustration to a
friend or family member, but if your husband finds out about it, he
may feel as though you betrayed him and this could affect the trust
in your marriage. This is a big threat to your marriage as you really
have no business complaining to your friends about your relationship
and your husband. Men feel hurt and humiliated and will probably
never feel totally comfortable in that particular friend or family
member’s presence ever again.
If you feel the need to express your frustration about your husband,
talk to your family doctor or a counselor because this kind of talk
really should be confidential.
who show little appreciation:
will never tell you this, but they need to feel appreciated.
When their wife says thank you for a job well done, men are literally
tickled pink as they love nothing more than to please the woman in
their life. Giving your husband praise when it’s due is something
that he needs and when a man does not hear or see appreciation, they
do get upset and begin to hold resentment towards their wife. It is
very important that you pay attention to what your husband does, even
if he is loading the dishwasher and putting on some laundry, he is
likely doing it to show that he cares about you. Let him know that
you have noticed his efforts and show your appreciation with a “thank
him by withholding sex:
women will withhold sex because they are not receiving the emotional
intimacy they need to be sexual. Men express their emotional intimacy
during sex so these differences can sometimes become a problem.
Instead of using sex as a weapon against your husband because he is
not providing what you need emotionally, you need to discuss this
with him. When wives say no to sex their husband often takes it
personally. Using sex as a bargaining chip to get what you need does
not work and is emotional blackmail. Your husband may feel less love
for you in the end and not more love, so this plan often backfires
when women use it.
him to change:
are capable of change, but it is better to focus on changes you wish
to make within yourself. Your husband is not going to change unless
he really wants to and most men really resent
women who try to get them to change. Perhaps you want your husband to
eat more healthy food and work out with you. He will do it if he
wants to, but there is no need to pressure him. Just take over the
cooking and the grocery shopping and make a point of cooking healthy
delicious meals. If he doesn’t like these changes then you will
both need to negotiate this. Making certain changes for the better
are fine, however if you are not content to let your man have a few
beers on the weekend and wander about the house in his shorts and
thongs then you probably need to loosen up.
decision making without his input.
can be a huge issue between couples, especially when couples are not
discussing big purchases and investments. Even couples who have a
more generous budget still have money issues. To some money is a
powerful thing and sharing the balance of power in a relationship is
important. Whether you are considering buying a TV or real estate,
your husband needs to be a part of this decision. Big decision do not
always revolved around money. You might have made the decision to
sign up to go back to school and this will have you out of the house
most days and needing affordable childcare. This may not seem like a
big deal, but it will be for your husband if you do not discuss it
how he should parent the kids
behave differently towards their children than fathers do. There will
always be issues that you both disagree on when it comes to parenting
decisions. Some mothers are arrogant enough to believe that they can
parent better than their spouse and if your husband starts to hold
resentment towards you for your attitude to the way he parents; then
it is not surprising. The differences between how mother and father
choose to parent their kids needs to be respected. You need to show
your husband that you trust him implicitly with the children other
wise you are sending him a message that what he does with the
children is wrong and what she does is right. Instead, wives need to
thank their husbands for being great parents and watching the
children when they couldn’t.
jealousy when he looks at other women
is okay to look at other women, men do it all the time. Women look at
other men all the time too. Men often need more visual stimulation
than a woman does so if they see a beautiful woman they will stare.
Most women understand this and will not take offence. Getting into an
argument over some stranger your husband looked at on the street is
not worth it, and if you are feeling a little jealous, keep these
feeling to yourself. You husband will be upset if you show your
jealously. If you get upset and show your jealousy, he will get on
the defensive and the argument that follows will not be productive.
It is better to say nothing. If he lets go of your hand and wanders
off to talk to her, then you may have a problem.
immediate forgiveness after you apologize.
is all very well, however you should not be expecting him to forgive
you straight away. He may need time and you should give him that
space, especially if you were totally in the wrong and his feelings
were hurt. When it comes to marriage, a simple “I’m sorry”
often is not enough to really heal the hurt. Spouses will need to
show each other in actions that they are really sorry. If you have
upset your husband, you need to show him that you do understand why
he is feeling upset. You will need to be specific about what you are
saying sorry for.
be sure to remember the advice above so that you can use it to
improve and protect your relationship or marriage. There are a lot of
things that men do not like about their wives; however the examples
listed here are the resentments that could very well destroy your
marriage. If you are doing any of the things on this list, then you
may want to pay attention to the advice here or book an appointment
with a marriage counselor if you and your husband cannot stop arguing
about this issue. Many men are not happy about participating in
counseling, but once they begin and realise that the counselor is
trained to be objective and is there to help get feelings out on the
table, he should be okay.
Read more articles by Janelle Coulton at Jel Writes
a woman is unaware that she is pregnant this is known as a cryptic
pregnancy. One in four hundred and fifty women reported not knowing
they are pregnant until the twentieth week or later. And one in two
thousand five hundred women are unaware of their pregnancy until
it is possible to confirm or deny pregnancy with other medical
intervention, the problem with this is women who have no clue that
they are pregnant or even could be pregnant won’t seek out further
testing. Most women will grab a pregnancy test if they even suspect
they could be pregnant. But if the test was negative, the woman will
believe the result and get back to living her life. While it might
seem as though women in this situation are mentally ill, or having a
clear case of severe denial, this is likely to not be true. Five
percent of women who did not know they were pregnant had
schizophrenia and eight percent were found to have some type of
this condition has nothing to do with denial or a mental illness of
some kind; it is a condition that has yet to be fully explained and
it is extremely
It is only a small amount of cryptic pregnancies that are attributed
to personality disorders or schizophrenia. It would appear that women
with this condition are sane and well educated. They just do not know
they are pregnant. They have no symptoms, no weight gain, no nausea,
and very little abdomen swelling. They may still be having periods or
have always had irregular periods. If they do suffer from any
symptoms, they are likely to be so mild or be mistaken for something
else, such as indigestion. There are very real and valid reasons for
this happening and it is linked to a mother’s stress levels.
can be a tug of war between the mother and fetus for the mother’s
limited resources. The following explanation by Marco Del Giudice,
cognitive scientist at the University of Turin is that; most of the
time the balance between nourishment for the fetus and mother works
in the way it should biologically. But, sometimes the fetus takes
nutrients from the mother, the mother holds back but not in a way
that would harm the fetus. The fetus may hold back from demanding too
much nourishment due certain factors.
Del Giudice has gone on to say that embryos and fetuses let their
mother’s know they are there and need nourishment by releasing a
hormone known as human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG). This hormone
needs to be present in urine to activate a home pregnancy test kit to
turn positive. If the fetus is not producing enough then the
pregnancy may fall “under the radar” and the pregnancy test may
fail and remain undetected by the mother for a considerable amount of
time. When a fetus does not release enough HCG, he or she will
receive fewer resources or nutrients from the mother, this is why
some babies are born preterm or under weight. This is the explanation
for small babies, when there does not seem to be a medical reason for
the preterm labor occurring or that the baby is so small or
are a few factors as to why a fetus may not be producing enough of
the pregnancy hormone. Chromosomal anomalies could be one reason;
this means that the fetus has a birth defect. Genetics could also
play a part; a healthy fetus might put out a low amount of the
hormone due to a genetic problem.
could be another reason. According to another theory, a fetus might
release less HCG because the mother is dealing with a lot of stress.
It is better from the point of view of the fetus for the mother to be
oblivious to the fact that she is pregnant, as that might cause more
stress. Sometimes the stress of being pregnant and other life stress
can lead to a miscarriage.
Giudice further pointed out that in our evolutionary past a woman who
did not know she was pregnant and was not suffering through the
unpleasant symptoms of pregnancy was able to conserve precious
energy. She was free to move around wherever she pleased and could
eat the food that she chose to. This strategy possibly is not good
for the fetus when things in the mother’s life are good. When we
are aware of the pregnancy we change our lifestyle accordingly, eat
better and evidence will tell us that this helps when growing a
healthy and happy, full size and full terms. When a woman goes
through hard time, relationship stress and the like, the fetus may
release less HCG, or the stressed mother might be less sensitive to
the HCG hormone.
this can be seen that a cryptic pregnancy is an adaptive “emergency”
mechanism, which means that the fetus can sense a threat and the
basic instinct to survive kicks in. The fetus chooses to demand
little from the mother to ensure his or her chances of being born. So
the moral of this story is: Don’t be so sure when your pregnancy
test turns out to be negative. The pregnancy may not become obvious
until month and months after conception.
a marriage there will always be conflict on some level. Most of these
conﬂicts can be solved and other conflicts may be more serious and
a couple may need to come to a compromise or simply agree to
disagree. In any conflict or argument it is important for couples to
find a resolution where “both
some conflicts can become so confrontational and emotional that for
the couple, “winning the argument” and being right becomes
more important. It is important to point out that being right could
eventually ruin the marriage. Winning and making the other person
wrong is simply not worth the damage it does to the relationship, the
trust between the couple and their future ability to be able to
together and following the steps below will hopefully give you some
pointers on how to reach a mutually agreeable outcome. Always keep in
mind that if your partner loses, then it’s quite likely that
marriage does too.
clear about what the problem is; make sure you are both aware of what
you are working towards. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in
the emotion of the situation and forget what it was you were arguing
about. Therefore you need to identify what the problem is before you
can solve it. Your husband or wife might be angry because you spend
too much time at work and not enough time at home. Because of this
you may feel that your children and you are missing out on spending
quality time with your spouse. Once you are both clear on what the
issue is move onto the next step.
your partner, in a non-confrontational way for what you need and want
in order to resolve the issue. Do not accuse and do not use insulting
language. Telling your husband or wife they are selfish is not a good
way to start. Use “I” messages and speak from the heart. Say
something like: “I feel hurt when we don’t get much time together
because you are working so much.” Then move onto ask for what you
specifically need and want.
prepared to listen to what your spouse has to say. One common
argument in marriages is that one or both spouses do not feel like
they are being heard. When your partner responds to your request,
listen to what they have to say and show them with your body language
and non verbal cues that you are listening. Do not interrupt.
Maintain eye contact and use verbal cues to show that you have heard
what they are saying, such as; “I hear what you’re saying or I
understand.” This is called active listening.
get a win/win outcome in a conflict with your spouse you need to
deliberately search for a solution. If you feel you can’t come up
with one right away, then take a break. Doing this will give you and
your spouse time to think things over. When you return to the
discussion, try to have a brainstorming session and throw some ideas
around. Your spouse may not have a solution for how he or she can
spend less time at work. It could be a really busy time and not
doable for them at this time. If that is the case you need to let it
go, but if you are aware that your spouse is putting in extra hours
voluntarily then perhaps asking them to cut back a little would work
of trying to win the argument and get your way, by brainstorming and
looking for a solution you are both comfortable with, you will more
than likely end up with an outcome whereby both of you win. Be
willing to “negotiate
and compromise.” Marriage is sometimes about sacrifice and
there could be a way you could give something up so that you and your
spouse are together more. This might seem like very hard work, and it
is but this kind of work is what builds a strong marriage and will
bring the two of you closer.
will be times when it will be impossible to get to a win/win
resolution, however you can agree to disagree or set things aside and
see where things go in the next few months. Thing change all the time
in our lives and you may be able to revisit the dispute down the line
with the intention of solving it. Don’t give up and throw your
hands in the air in frustration, just take a breath and agree with
your spouse to put the issue on the back burner for a short time.
in mind the next time you are arguing with your spouse, that winning
the argument is not necessarily a good thing. You may win this round,
but in end you are weakening your marriage.
Recently the Australia Government announced the cutting of 16,500 jobs within the Public Sector, and given that Australians have been delivered the toughest budget in almost twenty years, many economists are predicting that many jobs will go and unemployment will rise. This article written by Janelle Coulton about resumes might come in handy as many Australians may soon find themselves unemployed.
Words That Can Ruin A Resume'
need to constantly update and pay attention to details when updating
their resume’. There are some words that are a complete turn off
for recruitment agencies and human resource departments. A good
resume’ needs to stand out from all the other applicants and given
that jobs can be really competitive, it needs to be close to perfect.
most people, their resume
is not as good as it could be and hiring managers from many companies
will say that it all comes down to the language the applicant uses
when writing their resume. Job seekers seem to be addicted to all the
latest ‘buzzwords’ and are under the mistaken impression that
employers love this terminology. Employers will state that they are
sick of these words and receiving a resume that is full of clichés
is a good enough reason to file that resume in the recycle bin.
seekers need to learn what makes recruitment agencies and employers
happy when presenting their resume’. Below are the top six words or
terms that disappoint
a prospective employer, an explanation on why these words don’t
work and what words a prospective employee should be using:
applicant is stating what should be obvious. If he or she is not
accomplished then they have probably been fired from every job they
have ever held. A better term that could be used is “Peak
Every job applicant will use the term “results-driven,” however
when applying for a job, the job seeker really does not want to sound
like every other applicant. The goal is to stand
from the crowd and be noticed by a prospective employer. Using the
may yield better results for the applicant.
This word is boring to a prospective employer, and it is also an
overused word that appears on many resumes. A job seeker wants to
communicate that he or she has been highly successful in their
previous places of work and impress a prospective employer. There are
better ways to communicate this in a resume. Alternative words and
phrases could include; Best In Class, Award Winning, or Top
Performer. If the job seeker has won awards or big promotions, these
should be detailed on their resume too. Skillful
Again these terms are boring. Many hiring personnel hate seeing these
words in a resume as it makes the applicant sound incredibly dull
The employer will be thinking that the applicant is not very
creative. If a job seeker is having trouble finding an appropriate
word to show that he or she is skilled in what they can do, it might
be a good idea to use a thesaurus dictionary. Try using the words;
Talented, Sharp or Resourceful.
This is actually a given. There is no human being on the planet that
does not problem solve in some way. It is human nature to solve
problems. This term really does not need to be on a resume. Again, it
is about being creative, use words like; Troubleshooter,
Forward-Thinking, or Visionary Leader.
This is another term that is way overused and boring to a prospective
employer. A job seeker really does not want their resume rejected
because the person reading it bored with it. Creativity is the key to
success here, so try using: High-Potential, Quality-Driven, and
Employers are looking for employees who stand out
from the crowd; they really do not want to be reading a resume that
bores them to tears. When a resume contains overused
words and terms, it will be seen as average, and the prospective
employee will be judged as average. No job seeker wants to be seen as
just an average employee. When writing a resume it is a good idea for
a job seeker to show the person their attributes, not just tell them
using certain language. This means giving examples of how the
applicant used their skills as a troubleshooter or a forward thinker.
Writing a short example about something the applicant did that showed
how talented he or she really is. Job seekers need to ensure that
their resume is special and gets attention from recruiting staff.
that cannot cut the umbilical cord with their sons, are unhealthy,
dysfunctional and downright frustrating. When your boyfriend has a
relationship like this with his mother it is usually about the mother
not wanting to let go of her son. She believes her son is being taken
away and instead of trying to build a friendship with her soon to be
daughter in law, she will find fault with this girl and try to
convince her son to break up with her.
you the girlfriend/fiance in this scenario? This situation is not
going to be easy for you, in-fact it will be downright annoying,
hurtful and frustrating. You might be the right girl for him and he
may profess to love you and want to marry you, but the obstacles you
will need to overcome are difficult to say the least. You may be
young and decide that you have all the time in world for boyfriends
and marriage and decide to walk away. But it’s not so easy if you
are madly in love with your man. How do you convince him to walk away
and be a man, independent of his mother? You may have your work cut
out for you. She could very well be the trouble making future in-law
might make up stories about her son’s behavior when you are not
around, and when questioned by her son she denies saying it. It puts
your boyfriend in the middle between you and his mother. The best
thing you can do if you are going to try and work this out is make
friends with his mother, and kill her with kindness. She will be
surprised at this because she is hoping you will play her game and
make yourself look bad in front of your boyfriend. But if you just be
nice, and the next time she makes up stuff regarding her son’s
behavior ask her quite innocently if she really believes that her son
is seeing other women, because you believe he and you are building a
relationship here. Then go on to say that he couldn’t possibly be
seeing other women because he is busy at work, with me and helping
you out. She may well back off.
all very well to get her to leave you alone, but you have no idea
what goes on behind your back and if you are going to achieve getting
your boyfriend to be independent of his mother, as it should be, then
you are in for more heartache than you realize. One way to tell if
you have a shot is to watch him. Is he obsessive about his mother and
what she thinks? Does he expect you to wait on him, hand and foot?
And lastly, does he act like a child and throw tantrums if things
don’t go according to his plan? These are all bad signs.
before you throw in the towel and call it quits you might want to
consider moving to another town or city. If you believe that you and
he are made for each other and meant to be, then you will need some
distance from his mother and family of origin anyway. If he has the
tendency to be a mummy’s boy then moving a few hours away would be
beneficial. However, having said that she may follow you there. If
she believes that this is the real thing for her son, she will be
frightened and scared of losing him. She may try to build a
friendship with you.
would be a problem because anytime you two have a lovers tiff; she
will be in it up to her neck, as it is an opportunity for her to get
her son back. It is not your place to try and heal her obsessive
nature, but she should see a counselor. And don’t take it
personally, she would do this to any woman he brought home. No-one
will ever be good enough for her son.
this relationship is what you want then you will need to be patient
and stick it out. You will need to get him to see that he cannot be
dependent on his mother for the rest of his life and if she is mean
or interferes, he needs to step up and tell her off. If he’s not
prepared to do that, then you need to run for the hills. If you are
able to get him to let go, then you have a much better chance of
building a life that is about the two of you and your future. Three
people in a relationship is just crazy and what’s more it is so
dysfunctional because the third person is your boyfriend’s mother.
if your boyfriend does think there is something wrong with his mother
being so demanding and obsessive, then there is likely something
wrong with him too. Perhaps the two of you can see a family counselor
and sort all this out. It is something that should happen before
marriage anyway, so if you are getting engaged then make sure that
you do some counseling, at least six months before the wedding. So
many more marriage would survive if this
was a condition for getting a married license.
are never perfect. Partners inevitably do something to upset their
significant other at some stage. But do you know how negative nagging
someone can be. How frustrating was it when you were nagged by your
parents to do whatever, all the time. Annoying; and it is never
effective in getting what you want.
of us will nag our partners at some stage of the relationship and
this is a habit we get into probably because out parents nagged us,
and so on; however when a person is constantly being nagged, this is
when it becomes negative. And partners have left their spouses simply
because they cannot stand being nagged. Not a reason for divorce, but
it happens. I had a friend whose father left his mother for this
reason, and he subsequently missed out on knowing his Dad, which was
this man’s choice; but who stops seeing their kids because their
wife’s a nagger? The hope is; not many people.
Do We Nag?
this was answered before; but nagging is learnt behaviour and usually
taught by our Mum or Dad. However nagging can become a nasty habit
too. You know you shouldn’t nag, but you can’t help it.
nags their partner about something. It's normal. And if everyone does
it, it must work, right? Wrong. It generally does not work, which is
surprising given so many people do this. Some people may give up out
of frustration and do what their partner asks; however this is the
exception rather than the rule. When most of us are nagged to death,
we dig our heels in and won’t budge an inch.
it to release tension, or anger. We do it out frustration and we
don’t get why the other person does not understand us. We may think
our nagging will help someone; however nagging is the last thing that
will help. But the main reason we nag is fear; fear that our partner
will not make changes if we do not tell them what it is we don’t
fear starts running the show; look out, you are heading down a
dangerous path. You have no idea what to do; so out of fear you nag;
and fear drives this negative behavior.
Nagging Almost Never Works?
doesn't work! It is counterproductive to your relationship. It does
nothing to solidify the bond between you or enhance communication.
Nagging can have the opposite effect. Here's why: Nagging is
criticism and criticism is negative, hostile, aggressive, and an
intimidating act. Nagging someone is akin to informing them that what
they are doing is bad or wrong. We may have the best intentions in
the world; however nagging is criticizing and most of us get
defensive if we are criticized. A person who gets defensive may shut
down in order to protect themselves. They will no longer be able to
process information in a healthy way. Nagging begets resistance and
the more resistant your partner is, the more damage is being done to
the relationship. It is impossible to maintain a positive exchange of
ideas and feelings if the messages are always negative. Love,
acceptance, support, goodwill and commitment cannot be nurtured in an
environment where nagging is prevalent.
you need to undo the damage that your nagging has done. Perhaps your
partner nags you about things, but once you begin to make change, you
will soon notice a difference in how you relate. Step by step you can
fix this; so as to get to better communication with your spouse:
1: Stop Nagging
now you need to stop nagging. Just stop nagging about anything, ever.
Your partner knows what you are upset about; believe me they know.
They will not forget, because they have been hearing your critical
words for some time now. Removing the nagging will mean they are no
longer on the defensive and if they are not constantly defending
their position then they will be more open to change. Breaking this
habit won’t be easy, you will need to be tough with yourself;
nagging your spouse is a habit that needs to be unlearned and removed
from your methods of communication.
2: Is It Really Worth It
things over and choose your battles. If the issues you were nagging
about are minor, it may be possible to let it go. Decide how
important it is to you. Is it worth causing your partner pain? Is the
behavior so destructive that you cannot tolerate it and move on?
Choosing to be closer to your partner is much better than the hostile
environment you are now in. If, after analyzing the issue carefully
it is important enough to pursue, then move on to Step 3.
3: Change Your Behavior
only behavior we can control is our own, so good communication with
ourselves comes first. We have chosen to nag without any results so
we are changing this behavior. It will take time before the person is
open to change, especially if the nagging has been going on for
years. Inform your partner that you will not nag them anymore because
you know it causes them pain and you want to get rid of the negative
feelings in the relationship. Asking them how you can help them in
changing the situation for the better is the first step, and when
they tell you what they need, be sure to follow through with that
help. Once you know what to do, you can put this into action. Do it
no matter what, even if your partner does not follow through on their
part right away. Keep doing what they have asked and if necessary you
can ask them again if there is anything else you can do to help and
then do it. Knowing what to do will help you in the sense that when
we are frustrated and nagging our partner, it is largely because we
have no idea what to do.
a healthy compromise is a way to take control of a negative
situation. We must always be prepared to give and take and share
responsibly for our relationship to shine. It may not be all about
your partner or even his fault, there may be contributing factors and
some of it might be about what you can do. Things are never the way
we perceive them to be from another persons view. There will always
be something we can do; change, give up or own up to that will get
this process underway and bring about positive changes. Once we take
responsibility for our own behavior, our partner should follow suit.