How To Use Attraction And Charisma To Win Back Your Lover

Remind your lover of why they were attracted to you in the first place.

Photo by Josna

After a break-up, your attractive and charismatic qualities are forgotten to your ex. It is possible that he or she has not seen this side of you for awhile. There are many ways of using your attraction to win back your ex. 

Become more like your ex, meaning; mimic the person that they would like to be. When you work on positive traits, characteristics and talents that your ex wishes for him or her self; this is a winning situation for you both. You become a better person and you create a charismatic aura that will surround you. Your ex cannot help but be attracted to the changes in you, in the areas most important to them. The effect of this is powerful. It can be almost like meeting you for the first time; again.

Can your ex be the person they want to be whilst in your presence? If not, then why is this so? You need to do all you can do to lift up your partner and help them be what they want to be. If your lover is doing the same for you, you can share something magical, a rewarding, and loving connection. This is what some people refer to as soul-mates.

 Photo by arcardianhome.com

Are you accepting of your ex’s values and opinions in life and love? Respect for each other’s values and what you find important in life can also create a powerful connection.

Do you see how powerful this is? You can use this tip in conjunction with others that you have learned and put this information to use in winning back your ex. It is kind of like returning to the beginning of the relationship when the attraction was extremely strong. Portraying your best self to your partner and showing acceptance, appreciation and positive attitude will enhance your chances of a reunion.


Recently I received a few emails asking questions about sex within marriage and relationships. So stay tuned to this blog for my series of posts on sexual issues in relationships.

Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today. 




Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney

Save Your Love Before It Disappears

Nip A Breakup In The Bud

It takes a very long time and hard work to build a rock solid relationship, sometimes this can take a lifetime. Sadly our relationships can fall apart very quickly and easily.

The most common cause of relationship breakdown that I have seen is neglect or unresolved arguments that create eventually horrible resentment between you and your partner. Once resentment breeds within a relationship, this can destroy trust, respect and eventually your love and commitment. Love and commitment are the last things to fall apart as love and commitment is what essentially holds the relationship together, and couples can nip the problems in the bud before the love fades, then they really do have a fighting chance of putting it all back together.

Below are a few pointers to get you on the road of repairing any damage that may have been affecting your relationship:

Settle down in a quiet place, turn off the phone and the telly and get to work.

Think about what you love and like about your partner, write it down if you wish. Doing this will remind you of all the positive you have in your relationship and it is this positive stuff that you must focus on to rebuild the closeness with your partner. How does your partner inspire you? Write this down. Does he or she motivate you to try new things, learn new skills? This is what I am talking about.

Take the time to become involved in the things that your lover likes to do. 

Even if you don’t like these things, make the effort. Join them at a football game or cook them a special meal, something they like. Let them do what they want for one evening. If he or she wants to see a movie that you aren’t particularly interested in seeing, make yourself go for their sake. Believe me; they will respond in a positive way by becoming involved in things that you like to do.

Do not create too much space between you and your partner. 

Yes; every couple needs time out, and some more than others. However, make sure you are paying attention to the relationship, and not focusing too much on doing your own thing. This sort of thing can lead to trouble. Give your partner support and encouragement with things that they wish to do. They may have an interest in rock climbing. Tag along and be a spectator if rock climbing is something you are not into. They will understand that, and appreciate your willingness to want to be a part of their interest.

People do change and grow and it is usually for the better and quite ok. 

It is important to try and go with these changes and it is also ok to have differing opinions. This is what happens in a relationship. We are in a relationship to learn from each other and to grow and change together. Discussing how you feel about your differences is very important. You should always be open with your partner and not hold anything back. If you truly love each other, you will come to a mutual understanding. It is a good idea that the timing is right when discussing sensitive issues. When you are both relaxed and lazing around on the lounge after dinner is a good example. Perhaps you could make time to go walking with your dog if you have one and talk while you are walking and enjoying the fresh air.

Paying attention to your lover and your relationship will build closeness and trust. Communicating clearly and lovingly will also build closeness, trust and understanding. Doing things for your partner that you usually do not do; like playing a computer game with them, will build appreciation. Do you see how all of these ideas will help your relationship instead of harm it? Constant arguing and bickering about who did what to whom and silent treatment certainly do not build any sort of closeness or trust. The positive actions outlines above most certainly will.

Written by Janelle Coulton, 05 Jul 2012


Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden
Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good!
Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: Win Back Love


Read more articles at: JanelleCoulton Freelance Writer








If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today.




Copyright © 2012 Janelle Coulton

Soul-Mates

Do You Believe They Exist?

Do you believe you’ve found your soul-mate? How do you know if your partner is your soul-mate? This process takes time. Quality time spent together getting to know your significant other. The longer you are in love with your soul-mate; the chances are higher that you have found your soul-mate. Better communication skills will emerge and you both will share more experiences resulting in more similarities. Soul-mates are two people who are very compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, and sensitivity.


If you can merely hold each other in silence, saying completely nothing, and still the pain goes away, then you have found your soul-mate. He or she senses your thoughts and feelings without either of you sharing them, and shares a love with you that empty platitudes and clichés can never capture.


The simple thought of your soul-mate, the knowledge that he or she is present in your life, and loves you will be enough to take away the pain. You will gain strength from knowing he or she is close by and together you are united as a couple. When you find your soul-mate, you don’t even need to hear their voice or feel their caress in order to find comfort. Even if you are separated by thousands of miles, the pain goes away simply because you know your partner loves and cares about you. Soul-mate relationships have incredible soothing powers; they are heart warming and possess healing qualities.


You know you have found your soul-mate when everything that you experience you want to share with them. When you see something beautiful, like a sunrise or a sunset, do you miss them and wish they could share this moment with you? When something good happens, do you immediately want to tell them about it? When you see him or her smile, or hear him or her laugh does that make you happy? Do you feel like you have a deep connection that you cannot put into words? If your answers to these questions are yes, then you have found your soul-mate.


You will want to share every part of yourself with your soul-mate. All of a sudden, living on your own will seem strange. Your soul-mate completes you and without them you feel incomplete. A soul-mate complements you in the deepest way. What you once lacked, he or she adds to your life. Your soul-mate improves you as a person, and inspires you to achieve life-time goals and work towards both of your dreams.


A soul-mate is not a perfect partner; a soul-mate is someone who is perfect for you. When you find your soul-mate you will see his or her faults. Love is not blind. You will be aware that your soul-mate lacks so much in so many areas of life, but that won’t matter at all. You know that you need each other, that you belong together, and that as a couple you will overcome all flaws and obstacles.




Many people have asked me whether I think that soul-mates exist. And many people have disagreed with me and do not believe that their soul-mates are out there. Personally, I believe you can find your soul-mate. Some of us are lucky enough to do this and others are not. If you believe your lover is your soul-mate, and you feel that your relationship could be better, then I recommend you visit The Romantic's Website. This site is totally dedicated to creating a better relationship with your mate. Visit The Romantic Today!







If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today.

Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney

Top Tips To Improve Your Relationship

The following is an article I wrote five years ago and never found time to post it online. There is some really good stuff here to spice up your love-life and put the happiness and romance back into your relationship.

The high number of relationship and marriage break downs is tragic. It is sad that more of these relationships could not be saved. If people had the tools and strategies to make their relationship or marriage better, then perhaps they would all be happier and the divorce rate would drop. Did you know that the divorce rate of all second marriage is higher than first marriages? This may surprise you as you think the second time round, you would know what mistakes to avoid. Not necessarily so. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don’t know. Below are some tips for things you should and should not do within a relationship in order to protect and nurture it.

Communication:

Good communication skills are vital for any relationship, especially with your significant other. Expressing your feelings and honesty go a long way. So does the ability to open up and bare your soul. This creates intimacy and trust (I discuss intimacy in more detail in another article). And trust is one of ties that keeps a relationship in tact.

Head Space:

We all need time away from each other, and this is what I call head space. Some people do not like to be away from their partners, especially in the beginning of a relationship. We must learn to do this, and respect the time your partner needs in terms of head space.

Trust your Partner:

Trust is the foundation or part there of, of a relationship. If you and your partner do not trust each other, you need to learn how. Trust is also earned, it is not a given. And it is built on actions rather than words. Make your actions match your words, is possibly the best tip I could give for building trust.

Plan Special Times:

If you make time to date each other, plan activities together and basically just enjoy each other, you will naturally become closer. People who play together, stay together.

Say I Love You Often:

We should ideally be saying I Love you to each other everyday. Some people do not like to say it and show their love in other ways. However, it needs to spoken, out loud. When telling your partner you love them, do not hold out to hear it back. Wait for them to say it in their own time. If they don’t often say it, make sure you show a lot of appreciation. Chances are this will encourage them to do it again and more often.

Do Not Be Demanding:

Being demanding within a relationship will scare your partner off and make you look very unattractive. Makings demands of someone is a form of control, and no-one can be controlled. You are only able to control yourself. Try to be easy going and look for a compromise.

Don’t Shut Down:

Giving your partner the silent treatment achieves nothing. It only causes negativity within the relationship. Silent treatment in a relationship means no communication is taking place and therefore the relationship is not going anywhere.

Be an Adult:

I cannot stress enough how important this one is. I have met so many couple who behave like spoiled children when problems arise. A relationship is an important responsibility and you should be treating it as such. I have seen fully grown adults sulk and sometimes throw huge tantrums when they could not get own way with their partner. This will only serve to destroy your relationship.

Support and Nurturing:

It goes without saying that there are many curve balls in life that we are thrown once in a while. Supporting each other and nurturing your love will aid you handling the problems that come your way.

Leave Selfishness Where It Belongs:

This is actually a hard one to describe, because there are times when selfishness can be a good thing (particularly if you are being treated badly). If this is the case then looking out for yourself, and being selfish is the very best thing you can be. However, selfishness should not exist in a loving relationship. You need to be prepared to give as well as take. You need to also be prepared to sacrifice your needs for the other person at times.

Making a happy relationship work is hard work. Hence the word “work.” We sometimes forget to put in the hard work and the relationship starts to fall apart. You can overcome this, you just need to be prepared to do some work here.

Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today. 



Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney

You Do Not Need Your Lover

Many of us feel as though we could not live without our partners, but it’s not true. Part of the reason relationships fail is because one partner may have been too needy. Learning how to deal with neediness and building your own independence and confidence is the key here. The problem is those little voices in your head are rattling away up there telling you all sorts of rubbish. This is your sub conscious and our intuition. Sometimes these thoughts are spot on and are good thoughts, and sometimes these thoughts can be negative. This only serves to halt your progress. You may start to feel unlovable, not good enough, insecure or needy, which may cause you to act out of neediness. As hard as it is not to let your sub conscious self trigger your emotions, you must attempt to control our way of thinking.

Keep telling yourself over and over, that you are lovable, and you are plenty good enough. Do not fall into the trap of acting on your emotions. If you feel needy, then you need to turn it around and choose to be with that person, because you want to. Showing your ex lover your needy side is a turn off, they will run.

For some reason we live with a false sense of need. Were we taught this as children? Needing someone in our lives is a false emotion. Someone once said to me, that we all need to connect with others. Does that necessarily mean you need a lover? No; I don’t think so. When you are hurt, your feelings and emotions will also exaggerate what is happening. If your lover is leaving you, you will exaggerate the truth and believe that you truly need that person. The more you carry on with this way of thinking, the less chance you will have of them returning to you. You need to not need them. And they need to see that you do not need them.

I believe some people get a certain kind of ego boost from another’s neediness. It’s understandable; that feeling of someone needing us would be flattering to the ego. We all desire love, approval and acceptance, but we don’t need these things. Basically your attitude needs to be devil may care. If the relationship fails it’s okay. Then you move on with your life. Sounds so easy, but I know it isn’t.

Remember to keep neediness out of it. Tell your lover anything but don’t say I need you. You will frighten them into running further away from you. You love them, you desire them, you want to be a part of their lives, but you do not need them. If you are someone who has a needy side, realizing that being with your lover is a choice of love and not needing your lover would be the best thing for you at this point in time.

Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton

Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today. 


Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney

After A Breakup - Take Care Of You

Getting dumped really sucks. And it has happened to all of us at one time or another. Your self esteem is shattered beyond belief and the rejection you feel after a break-up can stir up many unwanted emotions and feelings. It is very easy to feel angry at yourself, your ex or anyone or anything that you feel caused the break-up. It is also normal to keep asking why this has happened. Such as was my case; my partner dumped me and did not give me a reason. If you are hoping to win back your lover, you best possible chance is get rid of your negative emotions and rebuild your shattered self esteem.

Anger and negative emotions will alter the way your think and feel. You could end up doing something very stupid; meaning saying nasty things to your ex lover that you do not mean. Unfortunately once the words are out there it’s a little hard to take them back. Negativity will drive people away from you; not bring them closer, which is what you want. It is very difficult to keep feelings of anger and bitterness at bay, but there are ways to do it.

Do let negative thoughts take over your thinking. When you start to feel anger rising within you, switch it off and think about something positive. Do something positive. I am certainly not saying that you cannot feel these emotions - you need to acknowledge your anger, grief, sadness and this process happens shortly after the break-up. However, when you are working on yourself in the hope of winning your ex-lover back, it is really in your best interests to shut off your negative emotions when they arise. Imagine yourself flushing them down toilet, which is where they belong.

Exercise is an excellent way to create a positive attitude within yourself. A good thirty minute walk or run, or a session at the gym will release those feel-good endorphins into your brain. This will encourage positive thinking and motivate your to keep exercising, because it make you feel good. Why do we engage in sex with our partners? Simple answer there; it feels good and we feel about ourselves. Many counselors recommend exercise to people who suffer from depression, especially if they are not on anti-depressants. The endorphins that your brain releases do the same things that anti-depressants do.

Get in touch with your friends and ask them for help in working through your negative emotions. Most likely you have done this and they know what you are going through, so they will understand and be happy to help. Make sure you explain that you might be calling on them on a regular basis and that it is okay if they unavailable to listen to you. Chances are though, your friends will be calling you regularly after a break-up to check on you and make sure that you are okay. It is very important that you try your hardest not to discuss your ex-lover or the break-up with your friends too much. It is very likely that all they are seeing is that you are hurting and they will not be able to be objective. If you need to discuss your ex or the break-up you should really consult someone who is objective, such as a counselor, your parish priest or your doctor.

Getting rid of your negative emotions and rebuilding your self esteem is one of the best things you can do to get your ex-lover back. You should not be calling him or her, or trying to initiate any kind of contact. You need to distance yourself from your ex and get your life back on track. In doing this, you will become more attractive to your ex-lover as he or she will wonder why they have not heard from and they will be curious as to what is happening in your life. Once you have re-built your positive attitude and outstanding self-esteem, you are now ready to formulate a solid plan to win your ex-love back.


Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today. 


Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney

Guilt – The Wasted Emotion

There are so many of us who are completely unaware of how self-defeating it is to constantly feel guilt. The belief in society is; if we have done wrong, we should feel guilty and ashamed. We are never advised (unless we seek professional advice) to move past our guilt. Many of us also believe that staying in a place of guilt or making a decision based around guilt is a noble thing to do. These attitudes and beliefs surrounding the emotions of guilt are more self-destructive than any of us realize.


Guilt is a natural, normal emotion that passes through us when we believe we have done wrong or done someone harm. Guild will rear it ugly head when we are reminded of our past mistakes. When people feel guilty, they will quite often act in a way that is not true to their real self. This is not to say that people should not feel guilty if they have done the wrong thing or harmed someone. Guilt is a natural reaction. It is when we hold onto those guilty feelings that we will begin to self-destruct.




The only positive aspect of guilt is the lesson we learn. If guilt drives us to learn a lesson, then it has served it purpose. It is important to learn the lesson and move on in a loving way, with the intention of learning from the mistake. Many of us wallow in guilt and then self pity arrives. Wasting our energy in this way is counter-productive. Make amends, forgive ourselves and move on. Regret and remorse are not the same as guilt. Regret and remorse allows us to make amends, and allow our light to shine again.


Anyone who believes that remaining in a state of guilt ridden despair is a noble thing to do, or is just what they deserve. They are quite simply; fooling themselves. Someone who is deliberately attempting to trigger a person’s guilt is an emotional blackmailer and chances are that is person is carrying around a lot of emotional baggage that they have not dealt with. We should never allow anyone to prey on our weaknesses and trigger our guilty feelings. Unfortunately in life, it is not always easy to pinpoint those kinds of actions and these kinds of people. We are usually to busy shouldering the blame, or wallowing in our own feelings of guilt that we miss the signals altogether.


The answer to letting go of your guilt is to forgive, forgive yourself and your actions and the other party if necessary. It is only through forgiveness that we can truly move on to a more positive existence. Forgiving ourselves when we feel that we are to blame is easier said than done, it is very hard to not feel that twinge of regret when we think of our actions in the past. However, if we don’t at least forgive ourselves, the guilt will rip us apart forever. Forgiveness is not absolving our wrongs, and it is not condoning the bad behaviour that caused us to feel guilty in the first place. It also does not mean that you condone the other parties’ behaviour either. Forgiveness is about letting go of the guilt and feeling free to move on with life.


Forgetting is the harder part of the equation. It is often because people cannot forget their wrongs of the past that they are unable to forgive. This is where it becomes tricky. No-one would ever tell you to forget a mistake that caused another pain and caused you a tremendous amount of guilt, because it is remembering our mistakes that teach us what to be aware of the next time. Forgiving and forgetting are two different things; when you are in a state of guilt you cannot forget. In this situation, I will again stress that you ask for forgiveness, ask the persons or persons you have wronged to forgive you. If they say no, and they could take a very long time to agree to forgive you, you will need to work on forgiving yourself for now. Maybe down the track, if you are given an opportunity, you can ask the wronged party for forgiveness again. However, it is more important that you try very hard to forgive yourself. I realize this could take time, given how serious your transgression was, but it is vitally important to your own mental health to work at this as hard as you can.


Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove


If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today. 

Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney

LOVE’S TOUGH CHOICES

Sometimes we have to say “Goodbye,” and there is no choice. No matter how much you love your partner, sometimes the relationship is not good for either of you and the only option is to end it.

However, this is only true in some circumstances. Most relationships problems can be solved. The sad thing is that we don’t realise this, and we choose to give up and walk away. There are only two big reasons that I would end a relationship; emotional or physical abuse or some kind of addiction that my partner could not overcome. I would also never get involved with someone who is married.

You may say that infidelity is one of your non-negotiables. In cases where a partner cheats on you over and over, I would have to agree that the relationship should end. What I mean by over and over, is if you have caught your partner cheating once, you forgive them and move on with the relationship only to catch your partner cheating on you again. It depends on the situation in your relationship, as to whether the relationship can be saved and trust restored. Trust is probably the most important issue in any relationship, and once two people no longer trust each other, then the odds are stacked against you for survival.

I have heard stories about couples where one partner has ended the relationship because there were problems in the bedroom. Unless you are no longer attracted to your partner then this type of problem can be resolved, with patience and communication and perhaps the help of some good books and a good sex therapist. It is usually the person who is not getting any action in the bedroom who will leave, and it is this kind of selfish attitude that is totally inconceiveable, as this sort of issue can be solved.

Some people get to a point where they have been unhappy for too long, they have neglected the relationship and it has lost its spark. Can you relate to this situation? You do not need to give up on your partner and relationship here, this is another example of a problem that can be solved and the only way I know to solve a relationship that has grown a little stale is to spend time together having fun. Go out on dates, do romantic things for each other and most of all spend time each day focusing on appreciating one another.

If you feel that none of this applies to your relationship and you have given it your best shot and things have not worked out. Perhaps the relationship is bad for you, perhaps you and your partner would be better off apart. Before you do close that door and end your relationship, think about what you could do to improve things, think about how you would feel and what life would be like if your relationship got better; you just may surprise yourself with what you come up with.



Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours and vice-versa. Thanks for visiting today. 


Copyright ©2007 Angie Rose Whitney

What Do you Trust - Fear or Love?

I write this essay in the hope that people will not close out love because of their fear. Unfortunately so many of us do and I find this very sad.

Most of us are more afraid than we think, the following essay discusses how we can cheat ourselves out of so many wonderful things because of fear. Worth thinking about.

Whitney Houston portrayed her meaning of real love when she sang the words “I’ve found the greatest love of all inside of me.” When that song was released almost twenty years ago, I barely understood what these words meant. Today however, I truly understand the concept of these words. Whitney Houston was telling us through her music, that there is no higher love than loving yourself unconditionally. When a person trusts love, they are able to love themselves. When it is fear they trust, the opposite is true. Until we can love ourselves with no strings attached, flaws and all, then we will never be able to love another human being unconditionally, and without fear.

Part of loving ourselves is letting go of the fear that we are not good enough or unlovable. On an unconscious level, many of us believe we are not worthy of love. We don’t know what it means to love and appreciate ourselves. We will constantly put ourselves down, not realising how damaging this is to our self-esteem. We often treat ourselves with disrespect, make decisions and react to emotions that are completely fear based.

We don’t often think to commit our spare time to learning about our feelings and emotions. Who has the time? However this kind of attention to ourselves is time worth spending. Learning to take care of ourselves in this way will allow us to grow and change as individuals and become more confident, loving and more importantly, more emotionally intelligent and fearless. Spending time on ourselves can be extremely revealing and can be like opening up the proverbial can of worms. Feelings and emotions that have been bottled up for years can come pouring out, in a torrent of tears or anger. This process can also be challenging, exciting, sad, scary and very revealing.

Doing this kind of work allows us to learn how to deal with our emotions and feelings in a more constructive way. Because we are not taught how to deal with our feelings, we will act out what we have learnt and seen as children and what we have experienced in previous relationships. Emotional intelligence classes were not offered at school (perhaps they should be, given the rising divorce rate). It is possible that when many of us were growing up, we were taught that anger, fear, anxiety and sadness are bad feelings and bad feelings should not be expressed. We feel what we feel, and we deal with our feelings in a way that is comfortable to us; however this is not always the healthiest or best option for us to take.

Stepping outside our comfort zone feels scary and at the same time it can feel uplifting. Taking a risk to stretch a little and move beyond our comfort zone is definitely an exercise in self-love. With every situation in life, every action we take, every thought we have, we will either react from a place of fear or a place of love. So, I will ask the question again: What do you trust, fear or love?

Reacting from a place of love takes immense courage as we are programmed to listen to our fears, and act with caution and safety. It is possible to feel love and fear at the same time, for instance; when we meet someone that we are really attracted to, we may fear that they do not feel the same way. This can then lead us to behaving self destructively by not being ourselves and tying to impress this person all because we want this person to like us. The tricky part is moving past the fear, being authentic, loving ourselves, no matter what the object of our affection thinks of us.

Letting go of the fear and practising self love enables us to love others. We cannot do any of our relationships justice if we are stuck in fear. When we become stuck in fear we remain powerless to move forward in our relationships and carry a loving attitude. Our fears arise from something within ourselves. Many of us believe fear comes from outside forces operating against us; this is not so. Fear is something unresolved that lives inside of us. Circumstances in our day to day lives could trigger our fear, but it is our hearts and minds that build it up and keep it going. Letting go of fear is hard, as our feelings and emotions seem so real. What we are really doing is attempting to cover whatever it is that we don’t want our loved ones to know about us. Interestingly enough our perceptions of ourselves are usually way off. We may, for example; feel unworthy of someone’s love, however that someone quite often knows better. This is an example of fear running our lives. We are all worthy of love, every single one of us.

Most people have a primary fear; for example, a fear of rejection or abandonment. Something will usually trigger that fear and if we can identify the trigger that activates our fears, then we can work towards de-activating it. Otherwise we can get caught in a vicious circle that will lead to self destructive patterns of behaviour. Fear will block our feelings of love and we will feel stuck and be unable to adopt a loving attitude.

To use the example of fear of rejection or abandonment; suppose we feel ignored by someone and this feeling triggers our fears of rejection or abandonment. It is not just a feeling of rejection that comes up, our emotions may snowball and other fears might be activated. In our minds we will build evidence against the person we feel has rejected us and then we build evidence against ourselves. We might feel unlovable, worthless, helpless, angry or inadequate. That’s a lot of negative emotions just snowballing all around us, a very, heavy dose of fear indeed.

So how do we eradicate fear once we become stuck? To put it simply by being ourselves, by loving ourselves for what and who we are. Sounds very easy, but it isn’t when we are stuck in a cycle of fear and negative emotions. Identifying our main trigger that activates our fears will enable us to recognise fear and attempt to switch gears. We will not succeed every time however, but if we are aware of our thoughts and feelings, most of the time we will be able to feel these feelings and then move past the fear.

Another method for deactivating our fear is asking ourselves what sort of qualities we admire in others. We can paint a mental picture of our heroes, people whom we admire and list their qualities, qualities that we ourselves would love to possess. Guess what happens? We become aware of some of those qualities within ourselves. What we see in others is also within us. We could look at the qualities that our parents have. If our mother is an honest and loving person, then we are honest and loving also. If our father is a kind and considerate person, then we also share these gifts. We may not see it, but others can, our loved ones know what qualities we possess, which is why they want to be around us. We are able to claim these wonderful gifts as part of our inner self.

Being honest with ourselves and with others is another step towards eradicating fear and creating self love. Being authentic and true to ourselves, showing love and compassion to others are all ways in which we can get free of fear. Be proactive and make time in our day to carry out things that allow us to express and get in touch with our positive attributes. Make a list of actions that feel good to us and take steps to do a few of these things each day. This could mean writing in a journal, or expressing our compassionate selves by helping a friend in need. We could send our partner a love note, and thus allow us to express our loving side.

As we take these actions we will dispel our fears and eventually feel a sense of peace, joy, self confidence and self acceptance. It isn’t easy to get out our own way and be proactive. We all experience bad days, filled with those negative, fearful thoughts, however it is how we react to those thoughts and feelings that matters. Start out slowly and build it up, by monitoring our feelings and thoughts and doing simple things that make us feel good. Some people may feel this is selfish. These are not selfish actions, keep going. The more we can love ourselves, the better we can love our partners, families, friends, children and the like. The more we focus and practice dealing with fear the better at it we will become. Believe it or not, fear handled in a wise and proactive manner will eventually become our friend. Fear will tell us that there is work to be done. Managing our fear will lead us back to a place of love, and love is really where we all want to be.

Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton

Link to this article on Bubblews



Read more articles or E-books on this subject at: Triple O Relationships Network

Sadness and Depression

Sadness and depression are a natural part of the grieving process when a relationship ends. Unlike playing the victim, which is an example of taking sadness and depression to far, I simply must point out in this article that these feelings are totally normal and to deny them would be wrong.

You need to acknowledge and honour these feelings, you need to cry when you feel the need and work through your sadness, anger, hurt and all those negative emotions that rear their ugly head when love comes to an end. No-one can help the way they feel, and no-one should deny how they feel. However there are things that can eventuate from feeling sad and depressed that could lead to mistakes.

It is important that I stress the point here that your own mental well-being is your first priority and if crying, or writing your thought of sadness in a journal help you with the grieving process then do it. Do whatever makes you feel better. I know for me, that having a good cry when I’m sad helps me. It is also necessary for your own mental well-being to not let depression get out of control. These feelings can sometimes take over, and really do some damage. It’s awfully hard to know where to draw the line, given that you should be acknowledging your emotions.

So how do you know where to draw the line? Are you laying around on the lounge day after day in your night-gown, unable or not willing to leave the house? Are you refusing invitation from friends to go out and do things, choosing to be alone with your thoughts? Are you drinking to excess? Do you feel cranky all the time? Do you feel as though you are in a black hole (this is how one friend who has depression described it to me) and cannot climb out? If you can relate to any of the above, especially the last question, then I would say you are in trouble. If you are nodding your head as you are reading this, please, I implore you to see your doctor or a counselor and seek some help.

Crying, feeling sad and angry, feeling guilty are all normal emotions. And eventually you will be able to deal with these feelings a lot better. And for the first few weeks after a break up; it is normal to feel teary eyed and sad. Feeling guilty is another part of the process. You may not agree, but you could be feeling bad for whatever your part in the break up was. You may not even know why they broke it off. I didn’t when this happened to me. You may not want to know, but if you intend on re-uniting with your ex, you must resolve all issues before you make a decision to re-enter the relationship.

Lastly I will say, honor your feelings and do not deny them, but be careful that your sadness and depression is not taking over. If you feel in any doubt at all go and seek some help as soon as possible.



Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove




Read more articles below:

Loyalty Within Families And Relationships When a dispute arises within a relationship or family; it is not unusual for loved ones to take sides. This can be extremely unhealthy for everyone Mar 24, 2012 - Janelle Coulton

Mental Health Is Not The Only Concern On Valentine's Day With Valentine's Day coming up it seemed appropriate to discuss how this day can affect relationships and mental health. Feb 11, 2012 - Janelle Coulton

What You Post on Facebook May Come Back to Haunt You Couple ordered to disclose Facebook and dating site passwords in family court matter. Dec 21, 2011 - Janelle Coulton

If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to linkshare or backlink from my site to yours and vice-versa. Thanks for visiting today. 


Copyright 2012 - Angie Rose Whitney

Women’s Issues – Depression And Mental Illness

Women are four times more vulnerable to depression than men. That’s not to say women are weaker than men, women are just different emotionally and biologically.

Researchers claim that women are more sensitive and susceptible to depression, anxiety attacks and stress. However, these statistics could be called into question, as women are more likely to seek help for depression. Men tend to tough it out alone, so these statistics may not be accurate. Women may visit their GP more than men. Below are some of the differences between men and women and how they both respond to depression and the symptoms of depression.


Differences Between Men and Women:

Men and women have different levels of hormones, such as serotonin, oestrogen and testosterone. Women's hormones flow at different levels constantly, therefore women are naturally more prone to stress and are more physically sensitive than men. This is why women are more likely to suffer from symptoms that relate to depression, anxiety, stress or mental illness.

  

Women have been known to suffer specific types of depression. There are many types of depression unique to women. Women are more likely to suffer depression during pregnancy, during their menstrual cycle or during menopause. Men on the other hand suffer from more standard depression forms.

  

Young adolescent women are more likely to suffer from many different types of depression; where as adolescent boys are most likely to exhibit behavioural symptoms or substance abuse. Depression or mental health issues are becoming higher in young men than ever before. Some young men may express this by acting out; i.e. self harm, such as cutting or drinking alcohol.

  

Depression symptoms such as; anxiety and panic attacks are more common in women than men. Women may also suffer from eating disorders while men develop symptoms like alcohol or drug abuse.

Sexual trauma, assault, rape or abuse tends occur more in women’s lives. These traumas can result in depression in women during their lifetime. Women can suffer from many unique types of depression based on these situations.

Basic societal expectations can affect a woman’s mental health. Women tend to be very hard on themselves at times, especially when things fall apart within their families. Marriage and relationship breakdowns could lead to women suffering many types of depression. Women feel more pressure to be good mothers, and when there is trouble involving their children, women tend to take things to heart more, and this can trigger depression. 

Depression in Women is Often Referred to as Moodiness

Because of the emotional and biological differences in women and men; women are often accused of being “moody” or “pre-menstrual” (PMS) by the men in their lives. It’s time we opened our minds, and looked beyond what we think is the obvious, as there is nothing more patronizing than accusing a woman of being moody or having PMS. 

Women who are battling depression need understanding and respect. There are many types of female depression, and these issues are more complex than people realise. That is not to say that men don’t suffer from depression too. However, men tend to keep quiet and tough it out rather than seek help to discuss their issues. Depression in men would be a lonely feeling for them, unless they have someone they can talk to.

Source: Psychology Info - Accessed on 05 June 2011

Break Free from Depression Today. 

This New EBook will show you how.
7 Steps to a Depression Free Life

Become Stress and Anxiety Free; Visit: End Panic Today


Link to Article on Bubblews


If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to linkshare or backlink from my site to yours and vice-versa. Thanks for visiting today. 




Copyright 2012 - Angie Rose Whitney