The following is an article I wrote five years ago and never found time to post it online. There is some really good stuff here to spice up your love-life and put the happiness and romance back into your relationship.
The high number of relationship and marriage break downs is tragic. It is sad that more of these relationships could not be saved. If people had the tools and strategies to make their relationship or marriage better, then perhaps they would all be happier and the divorce rate would drop. Did you know that the divorce rate of all second marriage is higher than first marriages? This may surprise you as you think the second time round, you would know what mistakes to avoid. Not necessarily so. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don’t know. Below are some tips for things you should and should not do within a relationship in order to protect and nurture it.
Communication:
Good communication skills are vital for any relationship, especially with your significant other. Expressing your feelings and honesty go a long way. So does the ability to open up and bare your soul. This creates intimacy and trust (I discuss intimacy in more detail in another article). And trust is one of ties that keeps a relationship in tact.
Head Space:
We all need time away from each other, and this is what I call head space. Some people do not like to be away from their partners, especially in the beginning of a relationship. We must learn to do this, and respect the time your partner needs in terms of head space.
Trust your Partner:
Trust is the foundation or part there of, of a relationship. If you and your partner do not trust each other, you need to learn how. Trust is also earned, it is not a given. And it is built on actions rather than words. Make your actions match your words, is possibly the best tip I could give for building trust.
Plan Special Times:
If you make time to date each other, plan activities together and basically just enjoy each other, you will naturally become closer. People who play together, stay together.
Say I Love You Often:
We should ideally be saying I Love you to each other everyday. Some people do not like to say it and show their love in other ways. However, it needs to spoken, out loud. When telling your partner you love them, do not hold out to hear it back. Wait for them to say it in their own time. If they don’t often say it, make sure you show a lot of appreciation. Chances are this will encourage them to do it again and more often.
Do Not Be Demanding:
Being demanding within a relationship will scare your partner off and make you look very unattractive. Makings demands of someone is a form of control, and no-one can be controlled. You are only able to control yourself. Try to be easy going and look for a compromise.
Don’t Shut Down:
Giving your partner the silent treatment achieves nothing. It only causes negativity within the relationship. Silent treatment in a relationship means no communication is taking place and therefore the relationship is not going anywhere.
Be an Adult:
I cannot stress enough how important this one is. I have met so many couple who behave like spoiled children when problems arise. A relationship is an important responsibility and you should be treating it as such. I have seen fully grown adults sulk and sometimes throw huge tantrums when they could not get own way with their partner. This will only serve to destroy your relationship.
Support and Nurturing:
It goes without saying that there are many curve balls in life that we are thrown once in a while. Supporting each other and nurturing your love will aid you handling the problems that come your way.
Leave Selfishness Where It Belongs:
This is actually a hard one to describe, because there are times when selfishness can be a good thing (particularly if you are being treated badly). If this is the case then looking out for yourself, and being selfish is the very best thing you can be. However, selfishness should not exist in a loving relationship. You need to be prepared to give as well as take. You need to also be prepared to sacrifice your needs for the other person at times.
Making a happy relationship work is hard work. Hence the word “work.” We sometimes forget to put in the hard work and the relationship starts to fall apart. You can overcome this, you just need to be prepared to do some work here.
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Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney
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