There are quite a few things that men resent about women, this article by guest blogger; Janelle Coulton discusses ten things that women do that really upset men.
Every
marriage or relationship has conflict. Your partner is not going to
like everything about you and there are some things that men
absolutely cannot deal with when it comes to their wife or partner.
At some point couples will run into these dilemmas and will have to
deal with them. It isn’t the fact that your man resents
something that you are saying or doing that ruins relationships, what
ruins a relationship is dealing with this type of conflict in a
negative way or not dealing with it all.
Frustration
in a marriage builds because couples are not airing out the dirty
laundry and getting these issues resolved and then resentment can
build even more, until someone explodes. Couples need to discuss the
little, inconsequential things instead of sweeping them under the
rug. They may not seem important enough to bring up, but if you feel
your husband is getting frustrated with you over something, then it
needs to be discussed. Below are some of these most common things
about women that men say they resent. The following also contains a
little advice on how you can protect your marriage or relationship.
*Wives
who don’t fight fair:
All
couples fight, whether you and your spouse are happy in your marriage
or not. Most happy couples know how to fight fair. Instead of
attacking their partner they will describe how they are feeling about
the situation. Research
shows that wives usually bring up problems in the marriage for
discussion. Husbands are most likely to back off if things get tense.
When this happens, women will start conversations in a negative way,
which makes everything worse. Instead of resorting to put downs and
attacks, try telling your husband what the problem is by using
several “I” messages. Attacking your husband will just put him on
the defensive, when you would do better to ask for what you need.
*Acting
like he is a child.
Men
really resent being spoken down to like they are children and they
certainly do not want to be micro-managed. This will leave him
feeling like less of a man and he will definitely start resenting his
wife eventually if this treatment goes on. You may not feel he can be
trusted with some things, however you need to let go and trust him to
take care of things. If he messes up then hopefully he will learn
from his mistake. Some wives will take on their man’s
responsibilities because they just don’t trust him to do it right.
Your husband will feel completely inadequate if he senses that you
don’t trust him to take care of certain things, so stop managing
him and trust him to do the right thing.
*Involving
a third party
You
might think that it is totally harmless to vent your frustration to a
friend or family member, but if your husband finds out about it, he
may feel as though you betrayed him and this could affect the trust
in your marriage. This is a big threat to your marriage as you really
have no business complaining to your friends about your relationship
and your husband. Men feel hurt and humiliated and will probably
never feel totally comfortable in that particular friend or family
member’s presence ever again.
If you feel the need to express your frustration about your husband,
talk to your family doctor or a counselor because this kind of talk
really should be confidential.
*Women
who show little appreciation:
Men
will never tell you this, but they need to feel appreciated.
When their wife says thank you for a job well done, men are literally
tickled pink as they love nothing more than to please the woman in
their life. Giving your husband praise when it’s due is something
that he needs and when a man does not hear or see appreciation, they
do get upset and begin to hold resentment towards their wife. It is
very important that you pay attention to what your husband does, even
if he is loading the dishwasher and putting on some laundry, he is
likely doing it to show that he cares about you. Let him know that
you have noticed his efforts and show your appreciation with a “thank
you.”
*Punishing
him by withholding sex:
Some
women will withhold sex because they are not receiving the emotional
intimacy they need to be sexual. Men express their emotional intimacy
during sex so these differences can sometimes become a problem.
Instead of using sex as a weapon against your husband because he is
not providing what you need emotionally, you need to discuss this
with him. When wives say no to sex their husband often takes it
personally. Using sex as a bargaining chip to get what you need does
not work and is emotional blackmail. Your husband may feel less love
for you in the end and not more love, so this plan often backfires
when women use it.
*Expecting
him to change:
People
are capable of change, but it is better to focus on changes you wish
to make within yourself. Your husband is not going to change unless
he really wants to and most men really resent
women who try to get them to change. Perhaps you want your husband to
eat more healthy food and work out with you. He will do it if he
wants to, but there is no need to pressure him. Just take over the
cooking and the grocery shopping and make a point of cooking healthy
delicious meals. If he doesn’t like these changes then you will
both need to negotiate this. Making certain changes for the better
are fine, however if you are not content to let your man have a few
beers on the weekend and wander about the house in his shorts and
thongs then you probably need to loosen up.
*Big
decision making without his input.
Money
can be a huge issue between couples, especially when couples are not
discussing big purchases and investments. Even couples who have a
more generous budget still have money issues. To some money is a
powerful thing and sharing the balance of power in a relationship is
important. Whether you are considering buying a TV or real estate,
your husband needs to be a part of this decision. Big decision do not
always revolved around money. You might have made the decision to
sign up to go back to school and this will have you out of the house
most days and needing affordable childcare. This may not seem like a
big deal, but it will be for your husband if you do not discuss it
with him.
*Dictating
how he should parent the kids
Mothers
behave differently towards their children than fathers do. There will
always be issues that you both disagree on when it comes to parenting
decisions. Some mothers are arrogant enough to believe that they can
parent better than their spouse and if your husband starts to hold
resentment towards you for your attitude to the way he parents; then
it is not surprising. The differences between how mother and father
choose to parent their kids needs to be respected. You need to show
your husband that you trust him implicitly with the children other
wise you are sending him a message that what he does with the
children is wrong and what she does is right. Instead, wives need to
thank their husbands for being great parents and watching the
children when they couldn’t.
*Showing
jealousy when he looks at other women
It
is okay to look at other women, men do it all the time. Women look at
other men all the time too. Men often need more visual stimulation
than a woman does so if they see a beautiful woman they will stare.
Most women understand this and will not take offence. Getting into an
argument over some stranger your husband looked at on the street is
not worth it, and if you are feeling a little jealous, keep these
feeling to yourself. You husband will be upset if you show your
jealously. If you get upset and show your jealousy, he will get on
the defensive and the argument that follows will not be productive.
It is better to say nothing. If he lets go of your hand and wanders
off to talk to her, then you may have a problem.
*Expecting
immediate forgiveness after you apologize.
Apologizing
is all very well, however you should not be expecting him to forgive
you straight away. He may need time and you should give him that
space, especially if you were totally in the wrong and his feelings
were hurt. When it comes to marriage, a simple “I’m sorry”
often is not enough to really heal the hurt. Spouses will need to
show each other in actions that they are really sorry. If you have
upset your husband, you need to show him that you do understand why
he is feeling upset. You will need to be specific about what you are
saying sorry for.
So
be sure to remember the advice above so that you can use it to
improve and protect your relationship or marriage. There are a lot of
things that men do not like about their wives; however the examples
listed here are the resentments that could very well destroy your
marriage. If you are doing any of the things on this list, then you
may want to pay attention to the advice here or book an appointment
with a marriage counselor if you and your husband cannot stop arguing
about this issue. Many men are not happy about participating in
counseling, but once they begin and realise that the counselor is
trained to be objective and is there to help get feelings out on the
table, he should be okay.
Copyright © 2014 Whitney Rose
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