Why Nagging Your Partner Doesn't Work

Relationships are never perfect. Partners inevitably do something to upset their significant other at some stage. But do you know how negative nagging someone can be. How frustrating was it when you were nagged by your parents to do whatever, all the time. Annoying; and it is never effective in getting what you want.

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Most of us will nag our partners at some stage of the relationship and this is a habit we get into probably because out parents nagged us, and so on; however when a person is constantly being nagged, this is when it becomes negative. And partners have left their spouses simply because they cannot stand being nagged. Not a reason for divorce, but it happens. I had a friend whose father left his mother for this reason, and he subsequently missed out on knowing his Dad, which was this man’s choice; but who stops seeing their kids because their wife’s a nagger? The hope is; not many people.

Why Do We Nag?

Well this was answered before; but nagging is learnt behaviour and usually taught by our Mum or Dad. However nagging can become a nasty habit too. You know you shouldn’t nag, but you can’t help it.

Everyone nags their partner about something. It's normal. And if everyone does it, it must work, right? Wrong. It generally does not work, which is surprising given so many people do this. Some people may give up out of frustration and do what their partner asks; however this is the exception rather than the rule. When most of us are nagged to death, we dig our heels in and won’t budge an inch.

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We do it to release tension, or anger. We do it out frustration and we don’t get why the other person does not understand us. We may think our nagging will help someone; however nagging is the last thing that will help. But the main reason we nag is fear; fear that our partner will not make changes if we do not tell them what it is we don’t like.

When fear starts running the show; look out, you are heading down a dangerous path. You have no idea what to do; so out of fear you nag; and fear drives this negative behavior.

Why Nagging Almost Never Works?

Nagging doesn't work! It is counterproductive to your relationship. It does nothing to solidify the bond between you or enhance communication. Nagging can have the opposite effect. Here's why: Nagging is criticism and criticism is negative, hostile, aggressive, and an intimidating act. Nagging someone is akin to informing them that what they are doing is bad or wrong. We may have the best intentions in the world; however nagging is criticizing and most of us get defensive if we are criticized. A person who gets defensive may shut down in order to protect themselves. They will no longer be able to process information in a healthy way. Nagging begets resistance and the more resistant your partner is, the more damage is being done to the relationship. It is impossible to maintain a positive exchange of ideas and feelings if the messages are always negative. Love, acceptance, support, goodwill and commitment cannot be nurtured in an environment where nagging is prevalent.

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What To Do Instead

So now you need to undo the damage that your nagging has done. Perhaps your partner nags you about things, but once you begin to make change, you will soon notice a difference in how you relate. Step by step you can fix this; so as to get to better communication with your spouse:

Step 1: Stop Nagging

Right now you need to stop nagging. Just stop nagging about anything, ever. Your partner knows what you are upset about; believe me they know. They will not forget, because they have been hearing your critical words for some time now. Removing the nagging will mean they are no longer on the defensive and if they are not constantly defending their position then they will be more open to change. Breaking this habit won’t be easy, you will need to be tough with yourself; nagging your spouse is a habit that needs to be unlearned and removed from your methods of communication.

Step 2: Is It Really Worth It

Think things over and choose your battles. If the issues you were nagging about are minor, it may be possible to let it go. Decide how important it is to you. Is it worth causing your partner pain? Is the behavior so destructive that you cannot tolerate it and move on? Choosing to be closer to your partner is much better than the hostile environment you are now in. If, after analyzing the issue carefully it is important enough to pursue, then move on to Step 3.

Step 3: Change Your Behavior 

The only behavior we can control is our own, so good communication with ourselves comes first. We have chosen to nag without any results so we are changing this behavior. It will take time before the person is open to change, especially if the nagging has been going on for years. Inform your partner that you will not nag them anymore because you know it causes them pain and you want to get rid of the negative feelings in the relationship. Asking them how you can help them in changing the situation for the better is the first step, and when they tell you what they need, be sure to follow through with that help. Once you know what to do, you can put this into action. Do it no matter what, even if your partner does not follow through on their part right away. Keep doing what they have asked and if necessary you can ask them again if there is anything else you can do to help and then do it. Knowing what to do will help you in the sense that when we are frustrated and nagging our partner, it is largely because we have no idea what to do.

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In Conclusion

Finding a healthy compromise is a way to take control of a negative situation. We must always be prepared to give and take and share responsibly for our relationship to shine. It may not be all about your partner or even his fault, there may be contributing factors and some of it might be about what you can do. Things are never the way we perceive them to be from another persons view. There will always be something we can do; change, give up or own up to that will get this process underway and bring about positive changes. Once we take responsibility for our own behavior, our partner should follow suit.

Originally posted by Janelle Coulton on Beyond Jane - Triond

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Copyright © 2013 Angie Rose Whitney

Is My Spouse Cheating?

Things to watch out for if you think your husband or wife is cheating on you.

Determining if your spouse is cheating on you can be tricky. You want to be sure about this. Some experts have found that the chance of adultery is high in a lot of marriages. More than fifty percent of couples experience infidelity at one time in their marriage.

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The signs that your spouse may be cheating come in many forms and there might be a good reason behind any signs you see that something is different with your spouse. It is important to rule out other factors before coming to the conclusion that you are being cheated on. Usually an unfaithful partner will leave many clues when he or she is being unfaithful.

Your Partner Is AWOL

One sign could be that your partner is not at home as much. It is important to determine the reason for this before jumping to the wrong conclusion. Is there something going on at work that requires your spouse to be at home less or perhaps it is family related. He or she may simply want a little more space to hang out with friends; we all need a time-out sometimes.

They Are Less Romantic

Is your partner less romantic with you? Are you having less sex? Is your partner less affectionate towards you or have they stopped complimenting you. While this could be a sign, there could be a number of reasons for this too. Your marriage may simply be starting to stagnate simply due to life being too busy, and a little attention may be what’s needed.

Your Partner Lies

Catching your partner out in a lie or several lies could be a sign and this is indeed a sign that something is up. If your partner is lying to you then you need to find out why, and the direct approach is usually the only way here. Having said that, it is important that you do not accuse him unless you are sure or have proof. If your partner is cheating; they will usually lie to cover it up. Having the knowledge to read whether someone is lying is something that comes instinctively. Many of us know when something isn’t right.

Looking at the evidence will tell you a lot, but if however after evaluating these signs you are not sure, then it is best to wait it out. Accusing someone who is innocent is never a good idea.

Copyright © 2013 Angie Rose Whitney

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How To Use Attraction And Charisma To Win Back Your Lover

Remind your lover of why they were attracted to you in the first place.

Photo by Josna

After a break-up, your attractive and charismatic qualities are forgotten to your ex. It is possible that he or she has not seen this side of you for awhile. There are many ways of using your attraction to win back your ex. 

Become more like your ex, meaning; mimic the person that they would like to be. When you work on positive traits, characteristics and talents that your ex wishes for him or her self; this is a winning situation for you both. You become a better person and you create a charismatic aura that will surround you. Your ex cannot help but be attracted to the changes in you, in the areas most important to them. The effect of this is powerful. It can be almost like meeting you for the first time; again.

Can your ex be the person they want to be whilst in your presence? If not, then why is this so? You need to do all you can do to lift up your partner and help them be what they want to be. If your lover is doing the same for you, you can share something magical, a rewarding, and loving connection. This is what some people refer to as soul-mates.

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Are you accepting of your ex’s values and opinions in life and love? Respect for each other’s values and what you find important in life can also create a powerful connection.

Do you see how powerful this is? You can use this tip in conjunction with others that you have learned and put this information to use in winning back your ex. It is kind of like returning to the beginning of the relationship when the attraction was extremely strong. Portraying your best self to your partner and showing acceptance, appreciation and positive attitude will enhance your chances of a reunion.


Recently I received a few emails asking questions about sex within marriage and relationships. So stay tuned to this blog for my series of posts on sexual issues in relationships.

Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

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Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney

Save Your Love Before It Disappears

Nip A Breakup In The Bud

It takes a very long time and hard work to build a rock solid relationship, sometimes this can take a lifetime. Sadly our relationships can fall apart very quickly and easily.

The most common cause of relationship breakdown that I have seen is neglect or unresolved arguments that create eventually horrible resentment between you and your partner. Once resentment breeds within a relationship, this can destroy trust, respect and eventually your love and commitment. Love and commitment are the last things to fall apart as love and commitment is what essentially holds the relationship together, and couples can nip the problems in the bud before the love fades, then they really do have a fighting chance of putting it all back together.

Below are a few pointers to get you on the road of repairing any damage that may have been affecting your relationship:

Settle down in a quiet place, turn off the phone and the telly and get to work.

Think about what you love and like about your partner, write it down if you wish. Doing this will remind you of all the positive you have in your relationship and it is this positive stuff that you must focus on to rebuild the closeness with your partner. How does your partner inspire you? Write this down. Does he or she motivate you to try new things, learn new skills? This is what I am talking about.

Take the time to become involved in the things that your lover likes to do. 

Even if you don’t like these things, make the effort. Join them at a football game or cook them a special meal, something they like. Let them do what they want for one evening. If he or she wants to see a movie that you aren’t particularly interested in seeing, make yourself go for their sake. Believe me; they will respond in a positive way by becoming involved in things that you like to do.

Do not create too much space between you and your partner. 

Yes; every couple needs time out, and some more than others. However, make sure you are paying attention to the relationship, and not focusing too much on doing your own thing. This sort of thing can lead to trouble. Give your partner support and encouragement with things that they wish to do. They may have an interest in rock climbing. Tag along and be a spectator if rock climbing is something you are not into. They will understand that, and appreciate your willingness to want to be a part of their interest.

People do change and grow and it is usually for the better and quite ok. 

It is important to try and go with these changes and it is also ok to have differing opinions. This is what happens in a relationship. We are in a relationship to learn from each other and to grow and change together. Discussing how you feel about your differences is very important. You should always be open with your partner and not hold anything back. If you truly love each other, you will come to a mutual understanding. It is a good idea that the timing is right when discussing sensitive issues. When you are both relaxed and lazing around on the lounge after dinner is a good example. Perhaps you could make time to go walking with your dog if you have one and talk while you are walking and enjoying the fresh air.

Paying attention to your lover and your relationship will build closeness and trust. Communicating clearly and lovingly will also build closeness, trust and understanding. Doing things for your partner that you usually do not do; like playing a computer game with them, will build appreciation. Do you see how all of these ideas will help your relationship instead of harm it? Constant arguing and bickering about who did what to whom and silent treatment certainly do not build any sort of closeness or trust. The positive actions outlines above most certainly will.

Written by Janelle Coulton, 05 Jul 2012


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Copyright © 2012 Janelle Coulton

Soul-Mates

Do You Believe They Exist?

Do you believe you’ve found your soul-mate? How do you know if your partner is your soul-mate? This process takes time. Quality time spent together getting to know your significant other. The longer you are in love with your soul-mate; the chances are higher that you have found your soul-mate. Better communication skills will emerge and you both will share more experiences resulting in more similarities. Soul-mates are two people who are very compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, and sensitivity.


If you can merely hold each other in silence, saying completely nothing, and still the pain goes away, then you have found your soul-mate. He or she senses your thoughts and feelings without either of you sharing them, and shares a love with you that empty platitudes and clichés can never capture.


The simple thought of your soul-mate, the knowledge that he or she is present in your life, and loves you will be enough to take away the pain. You will gain strength from knowing he or she is close by and together you are united as a couple. When you find your soul-mate, you don’t even need to hear their voice or feel their caress in order to find comfort. Even if you are separated by thousands of miles, the pain goes away simply because you know your partner loves and cares about you. Soul-mate relationships have incredible soothing powers; they are heart warming and possess healing qualities.


You know you have found your soul-mate when everything that you experience you want to share with them. When you see something beautiful, like a sunrise or a sunset, do you miss them and wish they could share this moment with you? When something good happens, do you immediately want to tell them about it? When you see him or her smile, or hear him or her laugh does that make you happy? Do you feel like you have a deep connection that you cannot put into words? If your answers to these questions are yes, then you have found your soul-mate.


You will want to share every part of yourself with your soul-mate. All of a sudden, living on your own will seem strange. Your soul-mate completes you and without them you feel incomplete. A soul-mate complements you in the deepest way. What you once lacked, he or she adds to your life. Your soul-mate improves you as a person, and inspires you to achieve life-time goals and work towards both of your dreams.


A soul-mate is not a perfect partner; a soul-mate is someone who is perfect for you. When you find your soul-mate you will see his or her faults. Love is not blind. You will be aware that your soul-mate lacks so much in so many areas of life, but that won’t matter at all. You know that you need each other, that you belong together, and that as a couple you will overcome all flaws and obstacles.




Many people have asked me whether I think that soul-mates exist. And many people have disagreed with me and do not believe that their soul-mates are out there. Personally, I believe you can find your soul-mate. Some of us are lucky enough to do this and others are not. If you believe your lover is your soul-mate, and you feel that your relationship could be better, then I recommend you visit The Romantic's Website. This site is totally dedicated to creating a better relationship with your mate. Visit The Romantic Today!







If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today.

Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney

Top Tips To Improve Your Relationship

The following is an article I wrote five years ago and never found time to post it online. There is some really good stuff here to spice up your love-life and put the happiness and romance back into your relationship.

The high number of relationship and marriage break downs is tragic. It is sad that more of these relationships could not be saved. If people had the tools and strategies to make their relationship or marriage better, then perhaps they would all be happier and the divorce rate would drop. Did you know that the divorce rate of all second marriage is higher than first marriages? This may surprise you as you think the second time round, you would know what mistakes to avoid. Not necessarily so. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don’t know. Below are some tips for things you should and should not do within a relationship in order to protect and nurture it.

Communication:

Good communication skills are vital for any relationship, especially with your significant other. Expressing your feelings and honesty go a long way. So does the ability to open up and bare your soul. This creates intimacy and trust (I discuss intimacy in more detail in another article). And trust is one of ties that keeps a relationship in tact.

Head Space:

We all need time away from each other, and this is what I call head space. Some people do not like to be away from their partners, especially in the beginning of a relationship. We must learn to do this, and respect the time your partner needs in terms of head space.

Trust your Partner:

Trust is the foundation or part there of, of a relationship. If you and your partner do not trust each other, you need to learn how. Trust is also earned, it is not a given. And it is built on actions rather than words. Make your actions match your words, is possibly the best tip I could give for building trust.

Plan Special Times:

If you make time to date each other, plan activities together and basically just enjoy each other, you will naturally become closer. People who play together, stay together.

Say I Love You Often:

We should ideally be saying I Love you to each other everyday. Some people do not like to say it and show their love in other ways. However, it needs to spoken, out loud. When telling your partner you love them, do not hold out to hear it back. Wait for them to say it in their own time. If they don’t often say it, make sure you show a lot of appreciation. Chances are this will encourage them to do it again and more often.

Do Not Be Demanding:

Being demanding within a relationship will scare your partner off and make you look very unattractive. Makings demands of someone is a form of control, and no-one can be controlled. You are only able to control yourself. Try to be easy going and look for a compromise.

Don’t Shut Down:

Giving your partner the silent treatment achieves nothing. It only causes negativity within the relationship. Silent treatment in a relationship means no communication is taking place and therefore the relationship is not going anywhere.

Be an Adult:

I cannot stress enough how important this one is. I have met so many couple who behave like spoiled children when problems arise. A relationship is an important responsibility and you should be treating it as such. I have seen fully grown adults sulk and sometimes throw huge tantrums when they could not get own way with their partner. This will only serve to destroy your relationship.

Support and Nurturing:

It goes without saying that there are many curve balls in life that we are thrown once in a while. Supporting each other and nurturing your love will aid you handling the problems that come your way.

Leave Selfishness Where It Belongs:

This is actually a hard one to describe, because there are times when selfishness can be a good thing (particularly if you are being treated badly). If this is the case then looking out for yourself, and being selfish is the very best thing you can be. However, selfishness should not exist in a loving relationship. You need to be prepared to give as well as take. You need to also be prepared to sacrifice your needs for the other person at times.

Making a happy relationship work is hard work. Hence the word “work.” We sometimes forget to put in the hard work and the relationship starts to fall apart. You can overcome this, you just need to be prepared to do some work here.

Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today. 



Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney

You Do Not Need Your Lover

Many of us feel as though we could not live without our partners, but it’s not true. Part of the reason relationships fail is because one partner may have been too needy. Learning how to deal with neediness and building your own independence and confidence is the key here. The problem is those little voices in your head are rattling away up there telling you all sorts of rubbish. This is your sub conscious and our intuition. Sometimes these thoughts are spot on and are good thoughts, and sometimes these thoughts can be negative. This only serves to halt your progress. You may start to feel unlovable, not good enough, insecure or needy, which may cause you to act out of neediness. As hard as it is not to let your sub conscious self trigger your emotions, you must attempt to control our way of thinking.

Keep telling yourself over and over, that you are lovable, and you are plenty good enough. Do not fall into the trap of acting on your emotions. If you feel needy, then you need to turn it around and choose to be with that person, because you want to. Showing your ex lover your needy side is a turn off, they will run.

For some reason we live with a false sense of need. Were we taught this as children? Needing someone in our lives is a false emotion. Someone once said to me, that we all need to connect with others. Does that necessarily mean you need a lover? No; I don’t think so. When you are hurt, your feelings and emotions will also exaggerate what is happening. If your lover is leaving you, you will exaggerate the truth and believe that you truly need that person. The more you carry on with this way of thinking, the less chance you will have of them returning to you. You need to not need them. And they need to see that you do not need them.

I believe some people get a certain kind of ego boost from another’s neediness. It’s understandable; that feeling of someone needing us would be flattering to the ego. We all desire love, approval and acceptance, but we don’t need these things. Basically your attitude needs to be devil may care. If the relationship fails it’s okay. Then you move on with your life. Sounds so easy, but I know it isn’t.

Remember to keep neediness out of it. Tell your lover anything but don’t say I need you. You will frighten them into running further away from you. You love them, you desire them, you want to be a part of their lives, but you do not need them. If you are someone who has a needy side, realizing that being with your lover is a choice of love and not needing your lover would be the best thing for you at this point in time.

Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton

Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

If you would like to place a link to your site when commenting, I would be happy to link share or back link from my site to yours. Thanks for visiting today. 


Copyright © 2007 Angie Rose Whitney